The Four Great Truths- Life is suffering.
- Suffering comes from other people.
- There is no path out of the suffering.
- Often, the best way to end a meal is with a nice piece of melon.
The Three Great Obstacles to the Elevation of Being (Moan 4)
- You can never find really good, ripe fruit in season
- Stupid questions
- Brainless jerks
The Master Reveals the Three Great Obstacles to His Pupils (Kondo 15)
The Master taught that what one does in one's previous existence has a great effect on one's current existence.
“What is it with you two?” he asked. “What, did I throw babies into piranha-infested waters in a past life or something? I must have been some kind of psychotic dog-kicker to deserve the two of you.”
“But Master,” said one pupil. “Surely any suffering we cause you will only elevate you to a higher plane of existence.”
“Look, Yoga Boy. Nobody gets ahead in this life or any other. And you want to know why? Three reasons: first, you almost never find decent fruit in season no matter what you do; and two, brainless jerks like you guys.”
“But Master,” said the second pupil. “What is the third obstacle to the Elevation of Being? Didn't you tell us there were three things that get in the way?”
“Stupid questions,” said the Master.
“They were the only ones I could think of,” said the second pupil quietly. The Master slapped his own forehead in disbelief. The first pupil leaned over to whisper in the ear of the second. “Oh.” said the second pupil.
The Example of the Obstacles (Kondo 19)
The Master sat enjoying the afternoon sun with a bowl of sliced apples. His pupil came to him in a state of cloudy bewilderment.
“Master,” he said, “Something troubles me.”
The Master rolled his eyes and said, “Now there's a news bulletin.”
“If Enlightenment means understanding that everyone in the world is a complete bastard, then why should brainless jerks keep us from Elevating our Being? Wouldn't meeting them and understanding their place Enlighten and Elevate us?”
The Master picked up a piece of an apple. “You're a number three with a number two, you know that?” He bit into the apple, made a face and tossed it to the ground. “Fabulous,” he said, “a complete set.”
The Way of the Wise-Ass
Most Rude-ist Masters would acknowledge that there is great value to be found in following the Way of the Wise-Ass. At the same time, all Masters would also caution against the Pitfalls awaiting those who choose this Path to the Rude Awakening. For, while the tools of the Wise-Ass can be of great benefit to the Rude-ist student, the Allure of the Wise-Ass can often be so great as to force one from the Rude Path. The Way of the Wise-Ass is only the Way, not the Destination.
Also, nobody likes a Wise-Ass.
The Pitfall of Bad Mood-ism
Arguably the most dangerous of all the Pitfalls, Bad Mood-ism is the belief that one has been Rudely Awakened when in fact one is just in a Bad Mood.
This occurs when the Wise-Ass has become distracted by the cleverness of his own Wise-Assery. In taking himself too seriously, he believes that his Bad Mood, taken on from those around him, has become his Rude Awakening.
It is this Pitfall that the True Master witnesses when he says, "Get over yourself, Wise-Ass."
Stepping Stones on the Path to the Rude Awakening
The unawakened man thinks, “They're all bastards.”
The student on the Path asks, “Is it me, or are they all bastards?”
The Awakened man understands, “No, it's them. They're all bastards.”
(from Sutra 5)
Zen Rude-ism: The Principle of Wanting to Stay Asleep (Chin's Ninth Moan)
The Awakened One has achieved his status by embracing the One Reality that there is no Awakening, just a world full of bastards, jerks, and wise-asses.
--attributed to Chin the Kibbitzer, in response to the Second Sutra of Pying-Pyong's Dog
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