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Man! It has been awhile. I really appreciate your looking after the place while I've been gone. Everything looks terrific. Seriously - the chrysanthemums would have been withered shadows of their former selves in my care. Even my goldfish seem perkier. I can't thank you enough.

So take a load off! Make yourself comfortable! I'll make coffee.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

zen rude-ism: the list of jerks





Pying Pyong's Sutra of the Jerks (Sutra 18)

Pying-Pyong told his dog,

“I tell you, kid, there are basically ten kinds of jerk in the world that I should never want you to meet as meeting them is something that shouldn't happen to a dog.

“First there are those jerks like you've never even met a jerk like this before in your life.

“Then there are those jerks who are so busy thinking about how swell they are they don't see what jerks they're being.

“There are anal-retentive jerks what correct your grammar and make you use coasters and like that.

“There are jerks who only want to see you so they can beg something off you like a jerk.

“And the jerks you just hate just by looking at them.

“And the good-looking jerks. Them I don't like so much either.

“Let's not leave out the holier-than-thou jerks.

“Or conceited jerks with heads the size of I don't even know what and what do they have such a swelled head about anyway?

“And jerks who have energy to burn and they always burn it on being jerks.

“And stupid jerks.

“But I'll tell you kid, the worst of all are the good-looking stupid jerks who tell you ‘It's “between you and me ,' not “between you and I”' and then mooch five bucks from you.”

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