what is rude-ism?

Zen Rude-ism, the belief system of the Awakened, is rapidly becoming one of the world's 2,500 most popular Internet religions.

Rude-ism was founded by the Nameless Master on or about the time he founded it. He expounded the Four Great Truths in response to the constant moaning and complaining people of his time did about suffering in the world. He also had one or two things to say about the proliferation of fruit garnishes in restaurant desserts.


After the absolute bare minimum contemplation of the above points, the Nameless Master concluded that human life is without worthwhile fruit (literally—he meant real fruit, though his remarks have been often figuratively misinterpreted by kibbitzers over the years) and is—though it galled the hell out of him to agree with all those whiny crybabies—nothing more than a series of sufferings.



Once an individual sees these two hallmarks of existence, the Master teaches that there's a chance he might maybe be more than a bastard after all: he begins the Path to the Rude Awakening.

The suffering characteristic of existence consists almost entirely of encounters with bastards, jerks, and wise-asses. Only by realizing there is no sense in trying to get along with or get away from the bastards et al can an individual move further along the Path.


The Path to the Rude Awakening is defined by three Stepping Stones, which must be reached by embracing the Four Truths, acknowledging the Three Great Obstacles, acquiring moronic pupils to handle your chores (less fabulous than it sounds), and napping.



The basic idea underpinning all Rude-ist thought is summed up in the Principle of Wanting to Stay Asleep.




Rude-ist practitioners over the years have consisted of

• the Masters (including the Nameless One, Shueh-Yuan, Pying-Pyong, Lai-Tze, and others)
• their lay pupils (notably Shin and Chin)
• kibbitzers (such as Chin, whom many believe to be the alter-ego of Chin the pupil, thus leading many Rude-ist historians to the so-called "Double-Chin" thesis)
• various wise-asses

Next post - A Short History of Rude-ism