zen rude-ism: the principle of wanting to stay asleep

from Chin's Ninth Moan

The Awakened One has achieved his status by embracing the One Reality that there is no Awakening, just a world full of bastards, jerks, and wise-asses.
--Chin the Kibbitzer, in response to the Second Sutra of Pying-Pyong's Dog

the second sutra of Pying-Pyong's dog

At breakfast, Pyong said, "It's like this: trying to achieve Awakening you might as well try to make the perfect piece of toast. You know how you never get it just the way you want it? A lot of it is mood--sometimes you want it crispy, sometimes you want maybe a kind of warm bread, and sometimes other things you are thinking. But you make the toast and it crunches and you get the stiff crusty parts lodged in your gums, which is a pain you never want I can tell you, or maybe it's too soft so when you dunk it in your tea--which is another thing you can never get right so don't get me started--it flops over like damp socks. And then there's the piece that maybe if you're lucky has what you want in the middle except the whole piece didn't toast evenly which is something that drives me so crazy I could go on all day.

"So the Awakened One is some guy who makes perfect toast one day. And he wakes up and he sits there and says, 'Okay so my whole life I'm spending making toast and now it's perfect. What the hell is wrong with me? Like I have to invent headaches for myself with the life I got? And somehow perfect toast is the achievement that my life will now get my head screwed on straight. Boy do I need a vacation.'

"But I could put it another way: Awakening is crap, and you do yourself a favor to figure that out early. Even my dog knows that."

And Pyong fed his toast to his dog.

the third moan of Pying-Pyong's dog

Fu-Lin asked Pying-Pyong, "Master, is your dog Awakened?"

Pying-Pyong replied, "What are you bothering me with this now I got a million things to do? Ask the dog, you need to know so bad. Only give him some jerky first which he enjoys when you do that."

Fu-Lin fed Pying-Pyong's dog. The dog snapped at him and bit through his finger, drawing blood. "He bit me!" Fu-Lin cried.

"So you got your answer," Pying-Pyong said. "Now get out of here. You give me a headache like I don't have words for. And get some more jerky."