- shrieks from women he clubs over head to mate with
- local basic cable package pretty lousy
- GAP no longer stocks animal-skin loin cloths
- sloping forehead draws attention to receding hairline
- fireplace mocks him
- cost for knuckle-waxing at beautician is highway robbery
- dyslexic people who call him "Go"
- zoo refuses to give Rogaine to sad, grey, bald woolly mammoth
- Curb Your Enthusiasm somehow never seemed quite as funny as Seinfeld
- poor selection of dinosaur meat at local deli
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